so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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