I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
