Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
