im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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