I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
