I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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