There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
