my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
