We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We got so high we made milksteak
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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