i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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