I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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