dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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