I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
