I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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