The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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