found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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