advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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