I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
