I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
