but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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