The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
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My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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