I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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