We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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