Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
