I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
