first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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