Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize