I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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