Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
