well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
