Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
