If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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