I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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