She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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