I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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