Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
