Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
