ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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