So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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