Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
