She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
