drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How external is "for external use only"?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
