Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
