i was born a porn star she said
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
