My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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