I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I could make wine with my vomit
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
