we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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