I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
