You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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