it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
