I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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