if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
