No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
