called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
