I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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