vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
