My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize