It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
