Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
