yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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