So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
