apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
