If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
