Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
