just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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