I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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