I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
