Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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