my sisters under your porch take her home
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I would fuck him just for his dog
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
