If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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