Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just pynch a tree in the face
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
