its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
