This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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